What is reasonable to expect from a parent?

[childofChrist]

I am 17 and live alone with my mom. I have an older sister who lives about a thousand miles away at college and my dad lives about 6,000 miles from us. While my parents are not divorced, they are not together and they don't have any desire to be. My dad has never truly been a Christian and my mother has raised my sister and I "in the church" as well as she could. We have been seperrated from my dad for four years this Thanksgiving. It works for us as he was a controlling person without Christian morals. We found it easiest to move away to him, and to move to a town where there was a much stronger church.
When we first started "shopping around" for a church out here, it wasn't that easy. My sister was attending college in the neighborhood but there were so many churches she decided to go to church where it fit her, which was fine with us because she didn't even live with us and we were letting her grow. The first church that we found was great for me, there were a lot of kids my age and I fit right in and started doing things with them outside of church right when we got there. My mom wasn't happy, but I didn't notice that until she had an unsuccessful meeting with the elders which brought her to tears after they told her that we could not place membership until she was reunited with her husband. Without question, I told her we would find a church that was right for both of us, after all, there are more than 50 churches within a 20 mile radius of our house. I'm not sure that she fully understood me when I told her we could find something for both of us. Once she found a church she liked, she didn't even ask me, she just placed membership. There were less than ten members between the ages of 10 and 18 and they didn't welcome me at all. However, I wasn't there for them, I was there to worship God, and I was there because that's where my mom wanted to be.
I tried so hard for over a year to be happy and fit in, but it got to the point that as soon as we had finished services I would grab my mom's keys and run to the car to have my tri-weekly breakdown. I never had felt so miserable at worship, and because I felt so alone, I wasn't even able to focus my worship on God. I expressed these feelings to my mom and she told me that we would fix it: I could find my own church, but she was staying there. That made me feel even worse, but I knew that my relationship with God outweighed my relationship with my mother so I left that church and went to a church where I felt apart of the "family."
Having left my father, we did not have a lot of money, but my mother has a career that she can do anywhere, if she takes the initiative to open the business where we are, it's been two and a half years since we moved here and she is far from opening the business, and she hasn't done anything to get a job until then. How have we been surviving? My mom takes care of his banking for my father who does have a large amount of money from the sale of our house on top of a well-paying career. I'm not sure that he even knows, but he has been supporting us since we left him. She has a plan to pay him back, but she hasn't started any steps to paying him back.
On top of me being a full-time high school student, I have been working full time, and attending regular church services, therefore, I am rarely at home, but I do manage to make time to go running every night and spend at least half an hour of quality time with my mother. She doesn't have a job, she doesn't do anything, is it out of line for me to expect her to keep the house clean so I don't have to do it when I get home? I have no extra time, and I love my mother, I have done a lot for her, but it seems like she hasn't done anything or me and when I ask her to do my laundry on occasion, or simply clean up after herself, she gets defensive. She'll call me while I'm at work to remind me to wash her car when I get home. I realize it may seem simple, but it's the kind of stuff that just adds up over time I want help finding scriptures that might suggest what to do. I feel like we should attend services together, and I feel like she needs to have her own income, and I feel that I can't be pressured to do everything for her. Am I obligated to all of this because of Ephesians 6?

[jlkp]

Firstly, I want to commend you for seeking God’s words and wanting to do His will in difficult circumstances. Your question sparked my interest and I studied the topic of christian’s responsibility to parents. Here is a summary of what I found:
• Our obedience to our parents is indeed God’s command. We must obey our parents ….
o for it is right, honour your father and mother Eph 6:1-3
o In all things – it is well pleasing to the Lord Col 3:20
• Disobeying our parents is one of the works of the flesh condemned by God Rom 1:28-32 and 2 Tim 3:2-5

However there is one important proviso…. if for any reason our parents’ instructions to us are against God’s words and His will then our responsibility is to obey God rather than man (Acts 5:29)–
o the example of Jesus when he was a boy Luke 2:43-49
o Jesus said that there will be some circumstances if we have to leave our parents for the sake of God then we will be rewarded Mark 10:29-30

Our parents sacrifice a lot to bring us up and in some instances they even took risks:
• Nursing mother tenderly caring for her children 1 Thess 2:7
• Example of Moses’s parents who took risks Heb 11:23

We therefore have responsibilities to look after our parents and do good to them & look after them when they are old 1 Tim 5:3-5. Christ even though He was dying on the cross still thought of His earthly mother’s welfare John 19:26-27

I know all of the above mentioned seems like a "tall order" but remember that if we love God then His commandments are not burdensome -1 John 5:3-4

I encourage you to continue showing your love to your mother – let her know by telling her and by leaving small notes here and there, take her out for coffee, do things together and during one of the times that both of you are together then express your concerns to her but do so in a spirit of gentleness and love (Eph 4:2 and Col 3:12). Communications is vital link to our relationship with one another and with God.

As for choosing the right church is concerned – social aspect is important to us but of far more importance is ensuring that the congregation we are in is doing things in accordance to God’s truth and not deviating from it. Study the following :
What is Church of Christ? http://executableoutlines.com/top/church.htm
When communications with your mum improve then study this together with her if possible or discuss this with her.

Finally, if we are suffering then pray (James 5:13) and lean on the strength of Christ.
“I can do all things thru Him who strength me” Phil 4:13.
God bless…from a concerned older brother

[childofChrist]

Thank you, I appreciate that. And as far as church goes, I didn't specify, but we are "church of Christ" there are just so many in our area that we attend different ones. I find them all to be sound churches of Christ, which is what makes the lack of enjoying it more difficult to handle. Thank you though, that did help.

[smithshn]

I have read your description about the expectation from a parent. It is an interesting stuff. It is really painful thing of you. I thing you should meet your father as once and tell your thoughts of your. As my view I expect from my parent only love. I think most of son or daughter find out from their parent.