Advice, please

[FourAgreements]

I need some advice, please, from any CoC members out there. I have been dating a wonderful guy for about nine months now and he was raised in the CoC; I was not. His father is a preacher and is, from my understanding, very strict and controlling of the family. Needless to say, no one in his family knows that we are dating (we live in a different state, not together though). I have asked him before when/if he will tell his family about us and his answers have always been vague: he says to "give it time" and the answer will come. He says that if he forces it, he will pretty much have to part ways with his family and he's not ready to do that. Also, he has mentioned to me that they really don't know anything at all about who he is as a real person and that he has only kind of started living his life in the past few years (he's in his mid-30s). Let me just say that I am not in a rush to get married or anything like that, but it's hurtful that his family doesn't even know I exist and my own family has accepted him with open arms. Do any of you have advice to give me? I am really confused and don't know anything at all about this religion and he never speaks about it. He goes to church every Sunday and I know that, but he just never wants to talk about it. I'm just not sure if this situation will ever change. I'm not too worried about it at the moment, but we are in love with each other and have an incredible relationship. We were friends for a couple of years before we started dating, so we know each other well (except for the mystery of the Coc). I don't mean for any of this to be offensive--I truly have much respect for any and all religions. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.

[trikard]

So what religious back ground are you? I am not offended but your questions raise more questions than answers. Do you ever go to church with him? What are the people like there at the church he attends?

[FourAgreements]

Thank you so much for replying to my post, I really appreciate it.
To answer your questions: I am of Orthodox Christian background and I have never been to church with him because he has never asked me to go, nor has he ever really wanted to discuss his religion with me (and I've tried, several times, to bring it up). I only really know about the CoC through my own research online.
The obvious thing seems to be that his parents insist on him marrying, or even dating, a woman who also belongs to the CoC, and I do not fit into that category. Have you heard of anyone else having similar issues?

[Roger B]

I need some advice, please, from any CoC members out there. I have been dating a wonderful guy for about nine months now and he was raised in the CoC; I was not. His father is a preacher and is, from my understanding, very strict and controlling of the family. Needless to say, no one in his family knows that we are dating (we live in a different state, not together though). I have asked him before when/if he will tell his family about us and his answers have always been vague: he says to "give it time" and the answer will come. He says that if he forces it, he will pretty much have to part ways with his family and he's not ready to do that. Also, he has mentioned to me that they really don't know anything at all about who he is as a real person and that he has only kind of started living his life in the past few years (he's in his mid-30s). Let me just say that I am not in a rush to get married or anything like that, but it's hurtful that his family doesn't even know I exist and my own family has accepted him with open arms. Do any of you have advice to give me? I am really confused and don't know anything at all about this religion and he never speaks about it. He goes to church every Sunday and I know that, but he just never wants to talk about it. I'm just not sure if this situation will ever change. I'm not too worried about it at the moment, but we are in love with each other and have an incredible relationship. We were friends for a couple of years before we started dating, so we know each other well (except for the mystery of the Coc). I don't mean for any of this to be offensive--I truly have much respect for any and all religions. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.

I’m going to assume that you aren’t a Christian since you didn’t reveal that you are, or what affiliation you are with.

In this case the answer is simple. If he’s in love with you, he should have an issue with himself and his parents, because if a ‘Christian’ marries a non-Christian he becomes unequally yoked together, and this is restricted in scripture, not just in a CoC, but in most if not all “Christian” religions.
This can be easily resolved, if the non-Christian decides to believe in and surrender their life to Jesus Christ and follow Him in immersion baptism, your boyfriend shouldn’t have any issues, with himself or his parents, unless there more issues than you’ve revealed.

I suggest, if you really love him enough that (in the future), you might consider marriage, tell him you’d like to attain church with him. Be inquisitive for knowledge; share in his interest. Find out why he loves Jesus Christ, and what he offers through his love for you.

Should you decide to attain services with him, do not fear anything in this regard, because no one can make you believe anything you don’t want too.

Again, if you really love a man, show a little interest in what he loves.

God loves all of his creation, but not all of creation loves him, and a one sided love affair doesn’t work for Him. So, I pray you’ll consider what I’ve said, but use it with discretion.

[FourAgreements]

Thank you very much for your honest reply, Roger.
To clarify a few things though: I am a Christian (Eastern Orthodox) and I have expressed interest in my boyfriend's church, but he is not ready to bring me in just yet.
I think I will just have to wait for him to decide how things should progress as far as his family is concerned; I think that forcing anything right now would not turn out well for anyone.
I've never been in a situation quite like this before, so I'm treading as lightly as possible.


Thank you again.

[Roger B]

Thank you very much for your honest reply, Roger.
To clarify a few things though: I am a Christian (Eastern Orthodox) and I have expressed interest in my boyfriend's church, but he is not ready to bring me in just yet.
I think I will just have to wait for him to decide how things should progress as far as his family is concerned; I think that forcing anything right now would not turn out well for anyone.
I've never been in a situation quite like this before, so I'm treading as lightly as possible.

Thank you again.

You’re Welcome.

I just did one bit of research about the Eastern Orthodox religion. Would I be correct if I said that in your religion, you are saved by grace alone and nothing else?

[cwbys4evr]

Young Miss

As a father of 8, grandfather of 3, and member of the church of Christ for nearly 30 years (in other words I have plenty of experience) I must tell you that your man and his family's behavior sound a little odd. His father is apparently very controlling, as you stated, and at the same time he is hesitant to invite you to church. I can predict he will be backsliding pretty soon, based on what you have said are some of his statements. I would back off a little from this guy and see what happens.

When he questions you, I would demand that he tell you if church means so much to him why has he not invited you to go with him? Is his local congregation really that judgemental, or is he ashamed of something else ?