Divorce and Remarriage?

[guiseppi]

I never thought I would have to ask this question, so I never gave it much thought.

My husband of 28 years left me and says he is going to remain single, but faithful to Christ...(although I have a question on that since in divorcing me therein is disobedience first) Currently, he is still not attending any worship services nor has he in some time. He just says that he will eventually because we have a son who died as a young child and he wants to be sure to be able to see him when he dies....

Matthew says if a man divorces his wife, he causes her to commit adultery if she marries another. 1Cor. releases from obligation in the case of adultery (and I've always believed that to mean a continued lifestyle of adultery, not one single act) OR if a believer is married to an unbeliever and the unbeliever leaves the believer, the believer is not bound any longer.

I have done everything humanly possible to reconcile. He divorced anyway. He refused to speak with any elders, ministers or Promise Keeper buddies, except for one. He said after 28 years of believing there is no divorce, he just changed his mind. (This also happened to be 2 months after his father died which I think had a lot to do with it. Too much on his emotional plate and not rationally thinking. But, that's kind of beside the point now.)

I really don't know where that leaves me scripturally. Do I stay single in case he returns for reconciliation? Am I to pray for such? Am I to continue contact however limited towards that end? Am I free to remarry because he is acting in unbelief? (Obviously not believing that God can help us work out any problems and with the church family, ministers, counseling, etc. we could make it work. Refusing to heed God's word in Micah 3 not to leave the wife of your youth.)

I feel awful for me and I feel awful for him. I want nothing more than to wait for him, but then I constantly feel like I'm not moving forward in the work the Lord would have me doing now or any life I should be living because I'm constantly focused on a nonexistant relationship. It's really not like I could go ahead with both, it's really quite different, you absolutely have to let go of one life to begin another. But, I feel like I would be forsaking MY vows if I quit thinking, praying, and continuing to do whatever possible that may provide a way back. I'm sure other members of the church who have been divorced have felt the same, though maybe not in the same situation. We still talk a lot and have a very amiable relationship. A daughter and granddaughter in common that we do things jointly with as though we were still family... He just says he doesn't want to be married.. (ouch.)

So can anyone shed some light on some scriptural observations that they have come to concerning something like this? I have no idea what to do or where to turn. My elders have the position of unbeliever leaving a believer.... therefore, I'm not bound. I would just like to hear from some others. After all, this would be a continued sin were I to go ahead and later remarry in ignorance that I really SHOULD have stayed single. In which case, where would that leave me spiritually? Would grace cover that?..... Can you see my dilemna?

To even have to consider this question is still in my "beyond belief" category..... This was a shock to a vast number of people.

[timothy]

Heaven is the perfect gift from our Savior. Much worth the sacrifice of living as a non married person, if there is even the slightest chance that Matt.5 would apply to you, or Matt.9. Pray for this man, who has suffered so much loss in this life, and made a very unwise decision, one that God hates. [malachi] May Our Lord give you Peace......Tim

[alphacaveman]

Just wait. He'll remarry most likely or be in a situation where it's clear that he's had sex. Having been sexual in your marriage, he's not going to be able to just turn the switch.

One book I would suggest you read is "Divorce and Remarriage: A Redemptive Theology." You can find it on Amazon.com.

If you've just been abandoned, you're free to remarry. He committed adultery by breaking his vow and leaving.

[timothy]

Who wrote this book? It would be interesting to see their views on this, especially whether God joins non Christians. Tim